:continued from the first:
got a lot of things on my mind these days..i realise i'm enjoying school much more than around the same time last year somehow..weird right? haha..:) i think its because everyone's gotten closer after one year and having undergone a lot of things together... its a whole lotta fun..and warmth in the familiarity. :)
i feel a lot more drive and motivation to push thru with my academics this year.. so much more than last year..(sincerely wish its gonna be a permanent thing heh)..though i havent really improved much in terms of staying attentive and awake in class..meeting assignment deadlines and revision......
having the desire makes a good start anyway, right? :)
will try my best to make this a better year.. to lead a life that is more meaningful.. become a better person! haha..
dear friend ya must persevere too k?
yup.. so far huangcheng auditions have been the major highlight of my first week of 2005.
the experience was a lot more different than the auditions back at rgcd.. haha.. i mean my whole psyche and emotional state changed so much... see the very same rgcd juniors coming in.. i feel really old.. this auditions.. i learned a lot about how to curb bias-ness, to not be swayed by emotions and be professional and objective! felt really guilty about being so excited bout my juniors.. really wanna apologise for being so immature..
anyway it was a really good experience.. seeing people of all colours, shapes, sizes, personalities, talents... haha..:)
though i must say.. i really detest the squabbling.. though its really inevitable.. the inevitable clash of different mindsets..perceptions..personalities..working styles..choice. PLUS the lack of sleep and tons of homework weighing on my mind..have on many instances been majorly irritated..am terribly sorry if my attitude towards everyone has been atrocious. :( bear with me. i'm learning to curb my temper..
otherwise..its been hard work for everyone! not just the daodus, apms but also xingzhengs, chouweis in the waiting room and working hard to pull people..chuichangs for feeding us.. a big thank you! its our first major mini huangcheng work segment. jiayou for the days ahead!!!
..........
i really gotta learn to consolidate my thoughts faster... stop blogging and get off to my work and stuff blehh..
dunno if i should be saying this here..
sometimes i really dont know where i ought to step in at huangcheng.. my place in the scheme of things gets really blurry..there are times when i quietly put the blame on him. for the apparent redundancy of my presence as felt by the others... dunno if people are feeling that just one. was all along enough to run things. that day, Weilaoshi spoke to me..roughly bout the same thing lotsa people particularly seniors have been telling me. that i'm not speaking up enough, not coordinating things enough.. i know i shouldnt be thinking all this cos it could really be my own fault. as much as i tried to make myself believe when i voiced my desire to take up the responsibility- i guess i really dun have the charisma...am disorganised, inefficient, indecisive.. am probably more of a smiling girl standing up there, ready to chup in at any sort of thing as long as my idleness and kaypohness allows it. also the one who disappears home the earliest. sorry i wasnt there.
i really dont know who reads this... just need to vent thats all. its okay.. maybe the situation is not as bad and a combination of factors leads me to put things the way i have put here..dont have to make too much of it. now all i really gotta do is to quit wailing and do something bout it. help me wont you?
-to try harder.
posted by jias tham @ 2:08 PM
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